A path not yet taken..but will(surely)…

I know that I had caused a lot of sufferings in your part, but I just want you to know that deep inside I have been suffering because of it too. Mistakes are mistakes and the pain had already been done. I just don’t have the courage to ask for your forgiveness but I have the will to change it. My shortcomings were characterized by my own weaknesses and I know that I had lost that battle in my life. I don’t have the power to turn back time but I have the motivation to make myself a better one and to prove that I haveĀ  change for the better…

It may not be certain but I know that I had built a certain gap between us and I just want that to change. Time heals all the pain but it may leave a scar that shall remind me that once I had caused you a lot of troubles and pain. I have been living a vicious life, not knowing that I am losing all the people around me that are very important to my life. I am sorry and I know that saying sorry would not be enough to compensate all the things that they have done for me, so I am trying to show them that I had realized the value of those people who loves me and I will do anything to reciprocate their unconditional love…

Thank you for leading me to the right path of life…I am starting this journey with so much love and hope…

Advertisements

INSECURITIES

I am insecure. I guess it will always be a human nature. I really don’t know why or how to deal with it,It’s just I really can’t help not to pity myself and be affected because of it. Academic performance, friends, looks and even boys causes my insecurities and because of it, I always have low self-esteem.

I’m so jealous for those people who treated their insecurities as a challenge and later on, succeeded in making themselves happy. But on my case, I’m always living on the shadows of my insecurities and thus, controlling my emotions that leads to more heartaches and sufferings. I always wanted to step-out and prove that I can be what I want and be happy living contented with what I have.

I do believe that the only key for me to surpass this predicament is to accept my weaknesses and limitations. And use it in evaluating the “real me.” I should be happy for what I am and what I have. For in the end, the only thing that would matter is how would I define “myself” that will affect on how will I pursue my dreams and in dealing with the challenges and trials that lies ahead. And I only have myself to depend and cling on.

*emo*

what if God will let me decide on the course of my destiny?
will I still make you part of it?
will i still be able to withstand the pain and sufferings that I felt because of you?
will I be able to confront you?
Can i make you mine?
can i change yours too, so that we can be intertwined together?
will i be able to look in your eyes with the same love and affection?
will you still hurt me?

Well, i will still make you part of my life.
for you have teach me one good lesson….

That I should always leave something for myself…