The reality check

Can’t believe that I am having issues in my life again!!

I just don’t know what to do and where to find the courage that I am needing this time. I feel so devastated knowing that all my efforts are not yet enough to satisfy the people around me. I keep on telling myself that I am strong enough to withstand everything not knowing that I am slowly failing and losing all those that I value the most. I am not sure if it’s too late already but I just can’t continue living a life like this. I need a redirection of my life and I really need to change everything even if it might hurt me that much.

I always contemplate on the things that are happening right now and I know that everything seems so abruptly painful and I just can’t take living a miserable life. I’m not in a good shape but I know that it’s also my fault since I made everyone believe that I am okay and I am happy. I am very fond of hiding all my problems, imperfections and insecurities by acting that I am living a satisfied and fulfilled life. I mean, I think this is a consolation for myself because I think I have enough yet I am not moving and I have become stranded in the pool of misery.

There are times that I really wanted to scream but no sound would ever come out from my mouth. i think I am silenced by the fact that I am coward enough to admit that everything’s not fine and I just can’t continue living in fantasies. I need to face the reality and maybe with that, I might able to move on. I have wasted a lot of time not knowing that I have wasted a lot of chances to redeem myself out of this miseries. I have done bad and inappropriate decisions in my life and I have been suffering because of it. I think I need to stop dwelling on the things that had happened in the past and should start living the present moments by striving hard in living it to the fullest.

I know that it takes a lot of courage and might be hurtful along the way but I have to do this not for anyone but for myself. I need this and I know that I am the only one that is capable of making this possible.

I hope I am.



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