Last night, I was out of my mind. I was kind of stopping myself to comprehend and understand the real situation. it was like losing the important persons in your life and yet you can’t make anything to stop it.

I value my family on top of everything and I really can’t take the problems and conflicts that are happening right now. My mother and some of her relatives do have a conflict that could cut and end all the ties we have with them. Drastic things and actions made it more complicated for me to understand it more better.

I’m just hurt to know that anger can make a certain person hurt even the closest person in its heart. How could someone stand seeing her “sister or any family member” be hurt because of some misunderstanding.

Can’t they understand each other’s situations and try to reconcile, for their family’s sake. Can’t they find a solution that will not hurt each other.

I’m really in great pain for I don’t want my family to suffer and be hurt. But how can i stop it if the reasons of all this is the person that is also so dear to me. I really don’t know what to do. I love my family and I will do everything to protect them. I’m trying my very best but I just can’t avoid thinking of all the possible effects of this problem can do to us.

I really don’t want to take side but certain things had happened that  pushed me to do so. I’m not angry with anyone, I’m just hurt… It’s like someone just stabbed my heart and nobody can ever help me to make the pain stop…not even  a morphine…

I’m just hoping that God will help me get through all of this…

For almost 5 months, i was not able to go home for i was very preoccupied with my studies and I need to concentrate more making my grades high enough to please my parents and all those who had big hopes on me.And so, I was very happy when that particular time came in, the semestral break. My sister and bother was so happy for we could help them in doing some of the household chores. My high-school friends went to our house to have a little chat about my life in college and we shared a lot of funny and interesting stories of what had become on us the moment we stepped out on high school.

And then, my cousin announced that she will be getting married and she invited our family to attend her engagement “party” and I had a chance to see my cousins. But, not all good things had happened. the brother of my mother’s bestfriend( a friend that we treated as a family member) died because of cancer.I was very sorry for his family and we went to the wake.Visiting the wake is not a good experience, for I felt so bad for him for he still has children. But that experience taught me a good lesson, that we should always thank God for giving us the gift of love and life.

what if God will let me decide on the course of my destiny?
will I still make you part of it?
will i still be able to withstand the pain and sufferings that I felt because of you?
will I be able to confront you?
Can i make you mine?
can i change yours too, so that we can be intertwined together?
will i be able to look in your eyes with the same love and affection?
will you still hurt me?

Well, i will still make you part of my life.
for you have teach me one good lesson….

That I should always leave something for myself…

When my teachers in math 37(Mathematical analysis 2) and Stat 101 announced the lists of students that are exempted in our final exams, I could not help not to be sad upon knowing that I was not included. For it would mean that I have to take all the final examinations of the said subjects. The problem is, i am not that familiar with the coverages especially with the series and sequences part. Whoa!!!

Series and sequences in mathematics are very hard to comprehend for it needs a lot of calculations and at the same time, it also has many properties that sometimes made me confused. And then divergent and convergent topics went into my way…of course, it tackles more on the limits of a certain number and function. and then you have to apply such properties on the different series and sequences ..confusing??? maybe not.. but if you are in my shoe(mmhh??), I do believe you will have the same predicament as I do…

well, hell doesn’t stop there… I still have my stat 101 exams… the topics are not that difficult compared to my math 37 but the problem there is that the solutions of a certain problem needs tedious solutions… And you have to apply different test(i.e. WILK-SHAPIRO test: the test for normality) in order to analyze a given problem…

But I know God will not let me fall this time ( I do hope He still remembers me ) )

And I know that if I would only study my lessons, I will be able to pass all my subjects..

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